Years ago I read a book titled, “A New Pair Of Glasses.” My quick summation of the author’s point is that when he donned his new pair of glasses his problems grew smaller. When he stopped believing that others were the source of his frustrations, and began looking to his own actions instead, he was better able to take responsibility and seek solutions.
Your reading this morning serves as a good reminder that for each finger pointing at another in attribution of fault, there are three pointing back at me.
“If you break the human struggle down to one word," Jerry Seinfeld says, "it's CONFRONT.
And so, I approach everything that way.”
I came across this quote the other day and find it quite insightful. For the large part of my life I considered myself to be “confrontation averse.” I still am a bit… with the “outer” world.
Inside though? Oh! I confront myself and my thoughts like a prize fighter. 😂 Doing so has opened me and created greater harmony with that which is outside of myself. Learning how to set boundaries (based on what my values can tolerate) has increased my harmony with what is outside of my “self”.
This is not what I learned as a child. I thought the conflicts were outside… but are the large majority of confrontations meant to be conquered within?
To make this tangible… After last year’s cancer dance I was quick to set an appointment to have the suspicious spots on my face checked. Taking action (confronting) allowed me to set aside worry. I could rest on faith and trust that I was doing what was required of me… the rest was in the hands of a higher power.
Getting from there to here has taken years of self-examination, awareness… good, hard, gratifying work.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that my childhood milieu was not conducive to learning how to disagree agreeably. Further, disagreeing with adults was strongly discouraged. In my early adult life, I was conflicted over when and how to disagree with older adults.
By exercising restraint and looking at my role in the disagreement, I began to use a “pick your battles” strategy. “Is this a hill worth dying on?” Still, some of my “stuffed down stuff” can result in reactive, rather than thoughtful, responses. A work in progress.
Hmmm. Thank you for bringing up restraint. I draw a parallel to patience. There are places sometimes where I find an internal clash of values. I neither trust logic or intuition to serve up “right action”. In such quandaries, I pause and wait for “right action” to come — either via a lesson, an internal shift, or an outer change of circumstances.
This also… is not easy.
Some days I feel like the Great Mystery is teaching me how to be the Billy Elliot of life. 😁 I believe it is teaching all of us… some are simply more awake to it?
Looking back at history, there has always been a steady supply of poets, mystics, artists, and creative leaders guiding us to keep going?
I absolutely agree with your observations. As I do from time to time, I’ll note a passage from the AA Big Book: “We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Praying only for his will for us and the power to carry that out.”
On the topic of the role that others play to inspire us, Winston Churchill comes to mind as he comforted, inspired, and led his nation. Mahatma Ghandi for his model for non-violent resistance against an oppressor. Helen Keller. The list is quite long.
Years ago I read a book titled, “A New Pair Of Glasses.” My quick summation of the author’s point is that when he donned his new pair of glasses his problems grew smaller. When he stopped believing that others were the source of his frustrations, and began looking to his own actions instead, he was better able to take responsibility and seek solutions.
Your reading this morning serves as a good reminder that for each finger pointing at another in attribution of fault, there are three pointing back at me.
“If you break the human struggle down to one word," Jerry Seinfeld says, "it's CONFRONT.
And so, I approach everything that way.”
I came across this quote the other day and find it quite insightful. For the large part of my life I considered myself to be “confrontation averse.” I still am a bit… with the “outer” world.
Inside though? Oh! I confront myself and my thoughts like a prize fighter. 😂 Doing so has opened me and created greater harmony with that which is outside of myself. Learning how to set boundaries (based on what my values can tolerate) has increased my harmony with what is outside of my “self”.
This is not what I learned as a child. I thought the conflicts were outside… but are the large majority of confrontations meant to be conquered within?
To make this tangible… After last year’s cancer dance I was quick to set an appointment to have the suspicious spots on my face checked. Taking action (confronting) allowed me to set aside worry. I could rest on faith and trust that I was doing what was required of me… the rest was in the hands of a higher power.
Getting from there to here has taken years of self-examination, awareness… good, hard, gratifying work.
I recommend it. :)
I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that my childhood milieu was not conducive to learning how to disagree agreeably. Further, disagreeing with adults was strongly discouraged. In my early adult life, I was conflicted over when and how to disagree with older adults.
By exercising restraint and looking at my role in the disagreement, I began to use a “pick your battles” strategy. “Is this a hill worth dying on?” Still, some of my “stuffed down stuff” can result in reactive, rather than thoughtful, responses. A work in progress.
Hmmm. Thank you for bringing up restraint. I draw a parallel to patience. There are places sometimes where I find an internal clash of values. I neither trust logic or intuition to serve up “right action”. In such quandaries, I pause and wait for “right action” to come — either via a lesson, an internal shift, or an outer change of circumstances.
This also… is not easy.
Some days I feel like the Great Mystery is teaching me how to be the Billy Elliot of life. 😁 I believe it is teaching all of us… some are simply more awake to it?
Looking back at history, there has always been a steady supply of poets, mystics, artists, and creative leaders guiding us to keep going?
I absolutely agree with your observations. As I do from time to time, I’ll note a passage from the AA Big Book: “We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. Praying only for his will for us and the power to carry that out.”
On the topic of the role that others play to inspire us, Winston Churchill comes to mind as he comforted, inspired, and led his nation. Mahatma Ghandi for his model for non-violent resistance against an oppressor. Helen Keller. The list is quite long.