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Feb 23, 2022Liked by 3musesmerge

I think I have put my finger on why I’m astonished by the people in your life whom you both admire and have learned from. You’ve always lived life with a willingness to learn and grow, while being aware of the gifts that arise from your friendships. Both ways.

At first I was just astonished by your connections with others. Your willingness to be vulnerable, out loud! Your keen views of the workings of the human heart, both yours and others. Clueless as to how that happens relative to my own sense of disconnection that I’ve long lived with.

So, why astonished? I jousted with life from a very different vantage point. Always in my head. Never able to look into my heart. Feeling superior to most others. Peers, parents, teachers. It didn’t matter. I’ve shared with you, Gail, and intimated in a number of my posts about my illustrious 30-year drinking career! It’s often said that alcoholics are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. I assure you, that was me.

Some will note that getting sober of necessity happens after becoming teachable as the result of hitting bottom. Having a moment of clarity about one’s predicament. So at 46 that was me. A lot of catching up to do, but at 72 I remain convinced that being just another bozo on the bus is a much better fit than the old me.

I can only guess at the worthy teachers, friends, and family that could have provided great life lessons. Elbowing teachers out of the way doesn’t seem the right approach. So my becoming teachable at 46 was neither ideal nor perfect, but I was the cowboy willing to get back on the horse.

An older rock group sang, “Just hold on loosely but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly you’re gonna lose control.” So I try to hold on loosely to my opinions and beliefs. I don’t hit “hair on fire mode” when my wife says she prefers her way of doing whatever to my science guy ways. And still a long way to go…

So Gail, “You make me want to be a better person.”

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