He called me out on my rhetoric.
In response to yesterday’s emphatic declaration that My FEELINGS do not matter! he asked, “I am confused. If feelings don’t matter then why the necessity for a response?”
What?
Now I was confused!
I took a breath….many breaths….before fashioning a response.
Perhaps an example would clear this confusion up?
So I told him a story of personal turmoil.
Somebody in my life was making a choice I didn’t like.
The choice affects my future.
Negative feelings of fear and hurt swirled about me, yet I chose not to overreact.
I sat with the choice.
Chewed on it like a piece of tough meat.
In time, I transformed my feelings from fear and hurt to curiosity and love.
This choice brings joy to people in my life.
How could that possibly be bad?
My questioner came back with a paragraph that basically asked…Didn’t you, through your pause and letting go, trade one feeling for another?
And I replied, “Yes! Thank you Pollyanna.”
What do you think?
Do our feelings matter or not?
Is the real trick awareness, acceptance, transformation?
Have you seen this video from Thich Nhat Hahn.
Wow, Gail. You always challenge me with such deep questions. I don't always have time to respond, but be assured you get me thinking! Here's a quote from the psychologist Victor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I believe stimulus elicits emotion, which then determines response, even if that response is to pause and reflect. After reflection, our emotions can change. So, I believe feelings and response both matter. And, here's something you and I may both relate to: if your pattern is to reflect on uncomfortable feelings until you are able to generate more comfortable feelings, are you doing yourself a disservice?
Gail! I can't believe how long you have been here! So cool! and now I know your name and I hope to catch up with you a bit. I'd say our feelings matter but not to the extent that they are about setting out to change someone else or disrespect their "feelings" or choices. That's between them and God, even if we disagree. Also, what a gift to pray for others whose convictions might be leading them down a negative path, because we often see worldly confusion over conviction.