Am I acting from FEAR or LOVE?
Minutes after 6:00 am, truck and passengers 20 miles down the road, I asked, “Do you have the items from the checklist?”
Glaring holes. Now what?
Option A: Nag and Dwell
Option B: Problem Solve
I cannot tell a lie. I started with Option A knowing full well it was fear based and wrong.
I might have said, “Even though I know you know this, you have to be responsible for yourself. I can no longer stay on top of your business. We’ve got to cut you loose.” (perhaps I said it in shouty capital letters…with pointed peaks)
Show me a parent of an 18 year old who hasn’t uttered something similar, and I’ll call them a saint.
The thing is, even before I said those words, I knew the backseat passenger was already fully aware of his misstep. I could have saved my breath and the back pedaling that followed.
What was I afraid of? Several things: the consequence of forgotten information, that I’d not effectively created a perfect human being, that the backseat human being’s future was bleak because of this single act of unpreparedness (whew! that’s some scary stuff!)
Because I’d stepped into fear based nagging with my eyes wide open, I knew the response would have a slightly pointed edge. It did, but also had the affect of turning my thought pattern on its head.
He said, “It’s called life Mom. I’m going to screw up and then I have to fix it.”
He’s right! He’s so very right! He’s so very, very right! Now what do I say?
“You’re absolutely right. Anything I can do to help?”
FEAR or LOVE?
One works better than the other.