Disbelief

bewildered child
could not wrap her head around
what she’d just been told

No Santa?

mother, older sister, me

Woolworth’s aisles festive for the season
was I pestering about my Christmas list?

or…was it time for a nine year old to be let in on the collective fantasy?

or…mother, already quite ill, did she not want the next Christmas to roll in without her being the one to confirm the rumors child was hearing from neighborhood friends?

did she not want to die and have her youngest daughter remember her as a liar?

Woolworth’s lunch
always such a treat
was somber affair that day

memories are subject
to 40+ years of tampering

if I had the chance…
I’d tell my mother she did exactly the right thing(s)

believing in Santa was magical
the Christmas Eve trip around town looking for
Rudolph’s blinking red nose atop town’s two water towers
is a joyful memory

and…she chose exactly the right time
to fill me in on the back story

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What I’ve learned since that December day at Woolworth’s
is that our lives run on one story tied to another…
and that we hold the pen.